Avoiding Common Pitfalls Of Casual Dating

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There are rules that exist when you’re dating multiple people. Few are oblivious enough to believe that you’re only seeing each other, if it hasn’t been mentioned and you’re still at that past-three-dates-but-haven’t-had-the-talk stage. When you’re kind of sure you really like this one person but you are still shopping around to make sure your feelings and his feelings are aligned.

Unless you want to have the “what are we” talk, do the following things to maximize putting it off for as long as possible. The secret? Discretion is key. However, if you DO want to have the “what are we” talk, I do have some great pointers coming up that can help you make the person you’re dating feel real special. (Although after reading this, you’d probably raise an eyebrow and be real skeptical about any future nice gestures.)

All of the below examples have been inspired by real-life events, shared among friends.

“Agh I don’t want to discuss what we are”

1. Disable dating app notifications on your phone

People, this is a no-brainer. Nobody wants to be reminded that they’re only a Tinder swipe away from being nexted. Just keep those pings on the DL. You’re showing your hand if you reveal what competition (or lack thereof) your date is facing. Besides, your phone’s screen will likely be seen by your date at some point – don’t let a moment bonding over a funny photo be ruined by a Coffee Meets Bagel notification.

2. Put away jewelry girls “forget” to take with them

This is for the fellas. Ladies are like magpies for anything that glints in a dude’s pad. We know that single earring does not belong to you. (Who leaves behind just one earring? That’s absolutely a thinly-veiled ploy to see you again.)

3. Cover your used condoms in the trash with other trash

No, it’s not that your date is going to root around your trash, but in general, you don’t really want to remind your date that he or she is coming into a lair of seduction with a revolving door.

4. Guys, change your pillowcase if there are mascara/eyeliner smudges on it

I don’t understand how this is tolerable. Nobody wants to lie in a freshly vacated bed where someone slept face down, makeup left overnight, probably drooling into the pillow. That’s just nasty.

5. Do a quick scan for hairs

Women with long hair shed like a Persian cat. You want to keep those pesky long hairs out of sight, especially if they’re of a different color from the next person you’re bringing home AND do not match the color and length of your own hair. Nobody wants to roll around in somebody else’s organic material. Pro tip: wool coats latch on to long hairs unstoppably. Lint roll that coat. There are head hairs, and then there are body hairs. Be cautious.

“Please, let me welcome you into my home”

Then there are some things you can do to not only be discreet, but also engender a feeling of specialness. A lot of the following things overlap with being a good host/hostess.

1. Keep a spare toothbrush

Just let your overnight guest have the dignity of brushing his/her teeth and not going to bed risking a mouthful of cavities. Toothbrushes, bought in a value pack, are pretty cheap anyway. You can always store your collection of gently-used toothbrushes under the sink, in the faint hope they’ll be used a second time.

2. Offer pajamas for sleeping

Who wants to sleep in leather leggings and/or a bandage dress? Or maybe he’s not comfortable with his hairy back being on show just yet. Offer your overnight guest some comfortable clothes to sleep in, whether it’s a soft, worn-in camp tee shirt from when you were 16, or a pair of shorts. Also, slender lady in oversized t-shirt; hairy calves in shorts? Looking attractive even in sloppy clothes should be a requirement if you want to take things further.

3. Ask them if they’re hungry when they wake up

Assuming you want to keep your date around, absolutely inquire about the state of their hunger, and ask them if they’d like to eat. I can’t conduct weekend morning pillow talk if my stomach is grumbling. Even better than asking if they’re hungry? Offer to make them breakfast with the grocery shopping you did yesterday. Boom.

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The Author

Singaporean in NYC, analyzing relationships with a boozy brownie in hand.

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